Why do I want her to away next summer to Canada to a community of NonEnglish speaking people? Because the family is so amazing? Because of the chance to really emerse herself in a new language? Because maybe she will become more worldly? To visit her friend? What?
I have had time to think about this for a year and a half now since Brenda has started asking me about going. That is right, she was 11 when she started asking to travel. There is swim team, Girl Scouts, summer camp, maybe even roller derby tournaments she might be missing out on. What could possibly make traveling that far over there worth the time and effort? Just so that my 13 year old can have a "visit". Especially when my husband so strongly disagrees with going.
None of those reasons are why I want her to go. Yes they might all happen or be true. But none of those are why.
When I was younger I played the oboe. I wanted to be in an orchestra some day. One of my dreams was to go take the train to a school of arts in Chicago instead of going to the local ps. I didn't ever get to do that, but the idea made me feel so amazingly free. Like I could reach any of my goals if I could just be free to do it my way. Several times as a youth I have felt that way. The times I went to band camp and I was away from home, free to be who I wanted to be without parents, teachers, friends telling me what to do. When I moved out on my own at 18 and lived and studied in Chicago, carrying a full time job to pay my own bills, and doing what I loved to do. I felt free. I could do ANYTHING and I knew it in a way I no longer do... Something about being young and on my own. It made me see things differently. Living with the same people forever (even if forever is only 13 years) your ideas and thoughts are influenced by them. Your daily plans are influenced by them. Your wake-up times, your friends, your political views, your view of yourself, it is all influenced by the people who surround you.
What if you could go somewhere else and be influenced by other people? Where would you go? Why is 18 the magic number for this? Why before 18 are you required to only be influenced by the people who live around you, which is dependent on so many factors that you have no control over. Why don't most kids get the choice to decide who else they want to influence their days?
Of course now more than ever, with internet, phones, facebook, twitter, youtube, etc etc etc. people can get in touch with almost anything if they choose to. Still so many kids stay put. Their facebook is filled up with their local friends, and their friends friends. And maybe a bunch more kids they don't even know just to fill up their numbers. Their follow famous people on twitter but don't see how they could make their own futures just like those people are doing.
All these famous people, they were just ordinary people once. Doing ordinary stuff. Going to ordinary school. With their ordinary friends.
She isn't asking to go across the world to France. She is asking me to take a trip across the boarder so she can have the experience she wants to have. We CAN afford it. It is not outrageous. I can take the other kids and do some awesome sight seeing, stop at museums, go to a lake-side beach or two, and really make it a trip for them to remember too.
So I am not living the life of an amazing orchestral oboist. I think I am doing something far better. Famous amazing orchestral oboists of the world might disagree. I however think I have been afforded this amazing experience that I couldn't have dreamed up better than this.And sometimes when the weather is perfect and the breeze fills the air with that swish of tree leaves waving to me, or a smell hits me that reminds me of something from long ago, I feel that free feeling of childhood again for just a moment. And I feel sad and happy all at once. I wish for those days back again, and I am glad that they happened. And they remind me to be the cheerleader who wishes for that feeling in my own kids.
So what are we waiting for? I think we can get to Canada. And we can get back again.
And we have plenty of time to prepare...
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