What is my goal. And if I could be so bold as to lump us all together, what is the goal of all us mothers? As a homeschooler I have gotten many opportunities to watch parents parade their children's numbers around like plaques on the wall, "well my daughter's IQ is so and so, I am not even bragging she is just above average. She is in all the advanced classes." "We immediately notice a difference when we are around public school kids. They are not as considerate. They don't pay attention to anything but themselves. They are rough and don't show restraint."
What do we get out of trying to turn our children into what we want them to be? We already know what they get by NOT being what we want, but instead being what they want to be. But why do we work so hard to produce children that "make us proud"? We say we want our children to be independent and make their own choices, until they do and we don't approve. We want them to be head strong and use their own brains,until they do and we don't like what they came up with. In essence our concern isn't how proud we are, but how proud other people are of our parenting.
What if I didn't tell the kids to help me clean the house? And what if then people came over and my house was a big mess? What if I didn't ask the kids to be polite, and they always said what they meant? What if they yelled when they were mad, like I do sometimes? And they said "damn it" when they weren't happy. (Yes, I know Marley does anyway, thanks for pointing THAT one out to me.) Would people look down on me and say I was less of a parent? And what if people DID look down on me... which no doubt a percentage of the popultaion does anyway; I always like to "feel" as if they don't I suppose. What then? When people think I am wrong? And they reject me?
What if I raise my kids and do what I think is right even when people reject me and my parenting? What if my kids grown up to do what I don't want them to? What if they choose the path that I think is wrong and reject ME? What if they ask us for help and we cannot produce? What if they don't trust us so they never ask for the help they want? I want my kids to be strong, yet I am afraid that their truth is not the same as mine. I want them to feel invincible, yet understand caution. And they cannot even have both of those at once.
When I die and go to Heaven, will I be judged on my parenting? Will the wrath of God come down upon me because everyone else thought I was wrong and I didn't listen to them? I hope not. I hope that doesn't happen to my kids either. Because life is so full of I TOLD YOU SO's. And sometimes the experience is in the path.
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