Here is the last of my posts on the topic. We are a constantly changing world. What seems ok one day is not acceptable the next. And so here we are. The boy is faced with maybe years of house arrest at his gramma's house with an ankle bracelet, separated from his family, going to school and counciling and right back home. I am sure the family realizes how lucky they are... he is. We live in a county that is so overwhelmed with kids that need to be locked up, there isn't room for everyone. Practically like being grounded at grammas.
And funny how this has changed our life too. Gaige has had to change schools too. He goes to school, counciling, and back home. Not much different than Ryan when you look at it that way. Of course we have left time for his community service which he is regularily involved in now. And his computer time, phone, video games... all gone. But he can gradually regain some of what he lost over time of good grades, proper behavior at home, changed attitude. I know this does not sound like the unschooler of last year. It is not. People don't come and go from our house like they used to. Gaige is not left to fail classes and roam the streets with friends in assumption that he will find his way. He doesn't tell us how he hates all of us anymore. He probably still does. And in three years he can move out if he chooses not to follow our rules any more. But chaos is over. I remember being his age. I remember hating life. I thought that if I waited it out he would come back around. After all, I did. It went too far. If it were a pendulum I would say our life has come full swing to the other side.
When we told Gaige what Marley said happened on Gaige's watch he shrugged his shoulders and went back to his video games. My husband had left Gaige to watch her while he went to pick up a pizza for the boys. Later he told us we didn't have proof. So when the proof came in there was nothing else to say. Just straighten up or be miserable while you await your 18th bday. And I don't care which. I would love to see a turn around, but I am not holding my breath and I am not going to wait it out a second more.
So is house arrest justice or is it being grounded at grammas house? No it is not justice. But in the court's defense, if they put him away until he turned 21, that still wouldn't ease our pain. It wouldn't make things better for us. Because our healing is not about his justice. And there is no punishment that is worth what this has and will put us all through.
But the Wild Women and Church have made me stronger over the last few years. And wiser too. I will share my thanks now a little out of season. I am thankful for such a strong, brave, animated child. After all, without her testimony, convicting Ryan would have been hopeless. I am thankful for Dotty, the prosecutor who was none less than Wonder Woman herself. And the detective that bugged the heck out of Dotty until she decided to take the case. I am thankful for all the worse nameless things the boy could have done but didn't. I am thankful for the opportunity to try to turn Gaige back in the right direction. And that I know how strong I can be, even when I am sobbing uncontrollably. I know so many great people and I didn't realize it. I now see how much a single moment is worth, not just the ones you wish you could change, but also the ones where you realize that you ARE the change. I fight daily with hating that boy while knowing from church that only love can drive out darkness. But I am only human still. I am glad that quiet meditation brings me peace while I find a way to heal us all.
Thank you all, last of all, who listened to me rave and cry over this through the summer. Sometimes I could think of nothing else. And you were my wall to lean on. Thank you for not letting me fall when I wanted to. And I will take you all with me where ever I go.
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